“It is never too early, never too late.” - Dr. Becky Kennedy
I love this quote for so many reasons! It demonstrates the power of what we now know regarding brain science, connection, and repair with our children. It is never too early to be attuned, responsive, and calm. It is never too early to develop skills to regulate our own emotions so that we can then welcome and help regulate our children’s emotions. It is also never too late to learn these skills, to repair when we have made big or little mistakes, and to change the way we parent. Parenting is a big responsibility, As a mom, I feel the weight of this but it is also empowering. We can grow, shift our approach, and learn about ourselves. When we do this, we not only change our brain, our habits and our behaviours but also our children’s brains, their habits, and their behaviours!
Parent counselling and coaching can be an excellent support for parents. Parenting is hard and vulnerable and it also brings us joy. Parenting requires conscious effort, reflection and time. We are our children’s most important guide and role model. We are responsible for guiding our children through life while at the same time we have many other demands pulling at us. Yet for many of us, we were not provided with manuals in how to handle parenting challenges. No wonder we are exhausted at the end of the day! In this post, we will explore some of the benefits of meeting with a parenting therapist. Consulting a parent psychologist can be part of your “village” and offer support. Research has shown it to be effective in addressing various parenting issues and struggles
1) Increased Emotional Support System
We can often feel overwhelmed in parenting, unsure how to handle various situations and can feel isolated and alone. Parent counselling provides a safe and non-judgmental relationship to process feelings, engage in new learnings and strategies, gain insight into underlying issues and how to move towards making change.
Regular sessions with a trained parent counsellor and coach can help us as parents identify and manage our own emotions, gain insight into our parental behaviour, explore root causes of triggers that may arise in parenting and develop healthy coping strategies. Seeking parent counselling and coaching can have a positive impact on the family as a whole and create a home that feels more calm and connected.
2) Increased Self-Awareness
‘We can’t change what we don’t know’. This is true for parenting as we all have blind spots. Parenting can often be like a mirror, showing us parts of ourselves that we may not want to look at. However, these are often the parts that take over when we are stressed, overwhelmed, angry or fearful. It is necessary to look at these parts as they affect our parenting. This can stem from how we may have been parented or past wounds that may get activated. Parent counselling and coaching can help to identify these blind spots and help identify where we may be stuck. This allows for growth. This awareness often allows us to slow down so that we can respond to our children instead of react to what gets activated in us which often leads to regret. Research in family systems and attachment theory, which has been studied for decades, shows that when we increase our self awareness and make changes in ourselves, that this leads to the most significant change in our children.
3) Increased Connection and Communication
Parent counselling is not just about behaviour change. It is about increasing connection and building a healthy relationship where our children feel seen, heard, understood, and delighted in. Parent counselling helps us strengthen the relationship so that this relationship holds value over time, even when tough situations arise. It takes practice to see our children’s perspective. Yet, when we are attuned and can communicate empathy and an understanding of what is going on inside of them, children often become more cooperative. This is because they know that even if there is a limit or boundary set, their feelings are welcomed and we are working to understand their perspective.
Conflict arises in parenting and this can be amplified when we as parents are exhausted, depleted, unsure, or overwhelmed. Parent counselling and coaching can help us learn new ways of communicating with our children that is effective and increases connection.
4) Development of Parenting Skills
Parent counselling and coaching can help us understand what is happening inside us. It also creates opportunities to shift our lens to what is happening inside our child and what their underlying need may be and how to then meet that need. This often leads to the development of new parenting skills and strategies.
5) Stress Reduction and Improved Self-Care
Parents often have little time for themselves to refuel and rejuvenate due to the demands of life and parenting. Parenting can be stressful. Research shows that when we can find ways to express our emotions in a safe supportive relationship, that this can begin to lower our stress and help to regulate our nervous system. Parent counselling can also focus on other stress management and self care activities so that we can find ways to increase our ability to stay calm and more regulated.
6) Enhanced Understanding of Child Development
Parent psychologists, who have knowledge about child development, can educate parents about the various stages of social, emotional, and cognitive development. This can help to foster realistic expectations regarding children’s capabilities. This knowledge often creates less conflict in the relationship and increases success for the child. We as parents, are then able to engage in scaffolding to help our children learn new skills that are typical for their age.
7) Increased Healthy Functioning Across Various Areas of Life and Relationships
Research shows that our relationship with our children lays the foundation for how they will function in various areas of their life and other relationships. Parent counselling and coaching can help parents provide a safe haven and a secure base in which our children can grow and thrive. The safe haven is when we are attuned to our children’s feelings, providing a non anxious presence and communicating empathy for what they are going through. When our children feel seen, heard and understood, they can then launch from this safe haven to explore and develop new skills that otherwise might feel risky or dangerous to them. This occurs because our children know that we will be available if they need us to be. Parent counselling and coaching helps parents decipher what their child might need and how to meet that need. From this place, children develop confidence, empathy, and resilience.
8) Increased Joy and Empowerment
Parent counselling and coaching helps us as parents to reflect, increase self awareness, and learn new skills and engage in repair when we have made mistakes. This leads to change which is empowering to parents. We can do something different in our parenting. We can find ways to regulate our emotions so we can help our children regulate their emotions. We can utilize parenting strategies that increase connection and joy. We can make amends when we didn’t get right. We are the architects for this in our homes. It will take work and effort but as parents these become catalysts for hope and joy in the home.
Benefits of Parent Counselling and Coaching
Parent counselling and coaching can help us not be alone in the challenge of parenting. It can help us to better understand what our child’s behaviour may be trying to communicate. For many parents, individualized support and guidance from an experienced parent counselling psychologist, who has taken specific and extensive training, can help parents understand their unique family context and how to apply the learnings effectively. If you are a parent who is struggling or who feels like they would like extra support to navigate the demands of parenting, please contact me at info@marciabuhler.com.